Why Am I So Anxious?
One of the difficult parts of being anxious is having absolutely no idea why you are anxious. This can be really frustrating. You might find yourself at work, out with your friends, or simply by yourself at home, and suddenly be gripped with anxiety. So here are some things to be aware of that can help you attempt to identify the reasons why you are anxious. In doing this, you will understand how to address it.
It’s true that anxiety comes from the stressors in our lives. Stressors can be events, people, or situations that cause us significant angst in our lives. One of the most common stressors are relationships. Relationships which are difficult, toxic, estranged - these relationships can be quite stressful. You can be in such a relationship where you literally don’t know how to move forward. You have no idea how to talk to a certain person - family member, co-worker, or other person. The inability to communicate with or resolve problems with this type of person can make us terribly anxious.
Anxiety can also be the result of events in life that happen every day. For example, if you are particularly introverted, just the thought of making a presentation in front of people, giving a speech, or having to attend a large gathering can make you anxious. Other events that are anxiety-producing are having a meeting with your supervisor; having a difficult conversation with someone, or having to defend yourself against an accusation.
One particular situation that causes anxiety is change and adjustment. Adjustments in life happen when a significant change occurs. For example, if you are going through a divorce, this is a very significant adjustment. You might have been married for many years, only to find yourself having to proceed with a divorce, being alone for the first time in years. Such a change can be overwhelming. One might be faced with many unknowns, leaving one to feel vulnerable.
Other situations which could cause an adjustment to happen is changing jobs, moving into a new location or state, attending college for teh first time and moving away from home. Such adjustments require a lot of patience, planning, and having the necessary coping skills to manage your anxiety.
First, Consider the Antecedents - you might be wondering what this means. An antecedent is a precipitating event or situation that happen to you. It is sort of like when you lose something valuable. Has that ever happened? You have to retrace your steps and find something, right? You might be thinking, “Okay, I lost my keys. What did I do when I got home last night? Which room did I go into? What jacket was I wearing?” You are going to think through every detail of what happened if you misplaced those keys. Tracing an anxiety stressor is kind of similar. You might ask yourself:
Where was I the day before I felt anxious?
What was I doing that day and night?
Who was I with?
What situations were going on during that time?
Look for the clues that relate to causes for making you stressed - things like preparing for a big test, having a meeting at work with a stressful person, or having to perform some dreaded task. Think about the above questions, and you will get some idea of what is stressing you.
Second, Consider Your Thoughts. What exactly were you thinking when that situation happened? What were you beginning to worry about? Remember that worrisome thoughts sometimes are stealth! They are under the radar. You can have recurring anxious thoughts that are so common, that they are on auto-pilot. You may not even be aware that you are thinking about them.
One of the most common types of automatic thoughts is “catastrophizing.” This happens when something fearful or threatening happens, and we begin to ‘spiral.” Maybe you have felt at times that you were spiraling, either with depressive thoughts or anxious thoughts. Spiraling is that action of obsessing over certain dreaded, possible negative outcomes to the point where you are reaching for the worst possible result that could happen. For example, let’s say you come in late one day for work. Your supervisor sees you come in late, and looks the other way. He doesn’t greet you like he normally does. Now is when the thoughts begin. You start to question why he didn’t say anything. You worry that he is upset ad angry with you. And you start to imagine that this might be the last straw for him. He is so tired of you, upset with you, adn disappointed with you, that you imagine he is considering firing you. Now you are jobless. Now you are going to lose your home. Yoru car will get repossessed. Your friends will find out and mock you. Do you see how this works? Catastrophizing pictures a doomed ending to a negative situation. Spiraling leaves you feeling out of control.
Third, Challenge the Thoughts. Don’t allow negative thoughts to “rent space” in your mind. These anxious thoughts can be debilitating. Refuse and reject them. Prepare for possible recurring events when negative thoughts come: a weekly staff meeting, a weekly class, and other similar things.
I use the term, “wait just a minute!” when trying to challenge thoughts. It is that moment when you realize you are spiraling. Say to yourself out loud, “wait just a minute. I am thinking ______. This may not be true for me. I am not 100% sure thjis is true. Should I really be thinking this?
Then fourth, Reframe the Thoughts! Change the thoughts into positive and accurate thoughts. Replace the negative language with positive wording. For example, start with that catastrophizing thought, “Oh no, my boss is upset and I might get fired.” After you have your “wait a minute” moment and challenge the thought, say to yourself, “My boss might be upset that I am late but that does not mean I am about to be fired or homeless. This is not rational. I give myself permission to reframe this irrational thought. I think it is more realistic to assume that he may not be pleased with my tardiness. I am a good and consistent employee, and I am secure here at my job.”
Following these steps will help you grow in your self-worth and sense of peace.
